the kindest one.

an unopened bottle of champagne sits on the floor near my bedroom door.
we lie in bed weak from martinis and whiskey
and he reaches over and says “good morning sweetheart”.
my succulent plants can no longer face the cold temps of my winter new york bedroom
and my once white rug is now a grey blur.
his beard tickles my neck as i listen to my neighbor’s heels clap on the floor above.
for a split second i can see clouds surround our bodies.
gravity is a lost concept and i’ve never felt so high and so sober in one moment.
i am being held by the kindest man known to mankind,
and in this hour i’m not fretting about when i will see him next
or if he likes me back.
rather, my mind is serene and my body is still
and all of me feels pleasant.


about me: mercedes.

my favorite flower is the peony.
when i drive, i wish i had a hand to hold.
sometimes when i drink too much
i become semi-fluent in spanglish.
my cat likes to eat my plant and it irritates me sometimes, but i can never stay mad at her.
i am a feminist.
i am currently writing this with my robe on that i accidentally got peanut butter on just moments ago.
sometimes i wish i had someone to cook for, but also, it’s nice not worrying about someone else’s palate.
i’m growing my hair back out.
not too long though.
i love an all black outfit.
beyonce is a goddess
and zoe saldana is my woman crush everyday.
i have about 6 different mugs
but i drink coffee in the same one every morning.
i say “fuck” a lot and i don’t think my family knows/understands/cares to know how much i swear.
i won’t smile if my lips aren’t moisturized.
but my lips are always moisturized.
coconut oil>olive oil.
my coworkers bought me 2 packs of wintergreen altoids for my birthday and i couldn’t find words accurate enough to express my appreciation.
my favorite color is navy blue.
i suck at applying makeup.
when i sleep, i spread my body into an “x” and take up my whole bed.
it’s the best
and sometimes i feel bad for my future husband.
i think about religion a lot
and i’m pretty confident aliens exist.
a lot of times, i write about boys and love and other stupid things, but i figured i’d write about myself for once.


education and viagra.



here i am. i am about to graduate college with a bachelor of arts in something i won’t be able to get a job in. by the time i walk across the stage with that god-awful unflattering dress, i will be $55,000 in debt knowing that my education may very well be my greatest asset i will ever have in life. i may never own a house and i am certain that the odds of me owning a car that is greater than the price of my education is very slim. so basically, the 4.5 years spent stressing over deadlines, crying over mishap relationships, and drinking until i forget that my diet consists of ramen and burnett’s was all so this very moment could happen. this moment. right here. me writing this damn thing because i have just been slapped by the reality of what my greatest asset has consisted of.

as my life does not resemble that of the hamptons, my point of existence is not technically in shambles. i have a nice comfortable bed that i can count on every night and i have recently said goodbye to burnett’s and hello to whiskey and craft beer. i have kept my oldest plant alive for 14 months and counting, almost longer than any relationship that i have ever had, and i cut off all my hair as a political statement and self liberation and still manage to get hit on my decent looking men at the bar. to add on to that, i have also managed to let go of things that needed to be let go of. people, clothes, bad diet habits, overpowering perfumes, etc., and as i let go of certain things, my world transforms from a drip coffee to a french pressed coffee, from a bieber to a timberlake, from a pbr to an oberon.

throughout the 4.5 years of this hellhole/golden streets of heaven, i have experienced more things than i ever thought possible. i dated interesting people, i met donald trump (not my favorite person in the world, and it wasn’t the most flattering picture of me), i actually enjoy my internship, and i chose the right people to stay in my life. i realized how important family is to me, my brother actually cried the last time i was leaving to return back to school after winter break. i read for pleasure and i write for sparkle. i can also bake a mean jell-o cake that will last for months in the back of your fridge just in case if you happen to forget about it.

college has been a journey of self discovery and redefining passions. my family thinks that i am a lesbian because i am passionate about the rights of humanity, but little do they know i take that as a compliment, because bitch i’m fabulous.

nothing lasts forever, not a diamond, not a tattoo, not even political power. diamonds will someday degrade to graphite and flake away and someday i will die and my ink will become dust in the wind and cuba is ahead of the US in healthcare. however, as mentioned earlier, i will someday die and i can only hope that these words will mean something to somebody. but as for my $55k spent on knowledge, knowledge is capital and education is the viagra of the world, it’s the gift that keeps on giving.

so maybe that’s what college is all about. it’s about viagra and Karl Marx and the gays and craft beer.